Hi Mariana, I'm also glad you hit send because I had no idea how much we have in common. I'm an ER doc. I'm taking a sabbatical (possibly permanently) and I am 100% here for talking about feelings and feelings due to medical practice. I can really relate to feeling like I have to be the good girl (you worrying what people think of you) and the biggest barrier to leaving medical practice is worrying how we will pay the bills. Also, I turn 42 next month :)
Amy wow, had no idea either and this is just amazing. Thanks for sharing (and for taking the time to read!). We're all healing deep stuff for sure. I'm pleased to read about your experience and how much we share, it gives so much hope. 💖
I'm soooo grateful for this, John! Thanks for being here and for sharing the beautiful light that you are. You've definitely helped me in hitting send. :)
Mariana, thank you for showing us courage. Your words pierced my heart (in the best possible way) first because I felt like you snuck into my head to write out my list of core wounds as I nodded along with every one you wrote. Secondly, I just wrote about courage in our everyday life and then I came across your piece which exemplifies what it means to be brave with our life. Turning our lens inward to reckon with what we see rather than distracting ourselves by constantly looking outward - this is a brave act.
Wow Donna thank you so much ♥️ This means a lot, what you just said. The more I share, the more I realise how much we all carry similar emotions one way or another, and how much we deserve to heal from it all. I think we're all connected somehow and it's no coincidence many of us are feeling the need or the call to speak up about these things. I'm so glad. Thanks for taking the time and for being here! ♥️
Doc! Your healing journey looks very similar to mine from long COVID - resetting the nervous system, taking care of my gut health, using techniques of neuroplasticity to tackle fears and change thought patterns. What’s wonderful is that you are figuring this all out *before* you crash and burn. I admire that tremendously.
I want to also tell you that one of your many strengths is that you make health education very easy to understand and accessible to us non-docs, and that is a rare gift among doctors (so I’ve learned since I’ve been ill - four years now). Your joyful approach has also been quite a gift.
I am glad you are letting us know that you plan to be true to YOU. I’m here for all of it! ☀️
Amy yours words are like a sweet balm to my ears, thank you so much!
Self belief is everything, isn't it? Without it, life turns out soooo different. And eventually what we deserve is to enjoy it all while knowing who we truly are. It's a lifetime work too, but definitely worth it. On it!
I'm amazed about the whole nervous system regulation. Learning the anatomy and physiology of it all like I did is one thing, but the emotional connection is a whole different one!
Thanks again for what you said. It's super encouraging and I'm grateful! Onwards. 💃🏻
How powerful, Noha, isn't it? No matter our upbringings,we all have some level of all this human behavioural issues and yet, they teach us so little about it all. It's our turn to look inward and bring all that stuff out for healing and transmutation. What a powerful thing. Imagine joining forces to being this all to the forefront!
Ahhh I always look forward to getting your emails. Always hit send! Whatever you are excited to write about, I want to read it. Thank you for sharing your thougths and struggles ❤️
I quote Tolkien a lot and I’m going to again here:
“How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on when, in your heart, you begin to understand there is no going back?”
I felt this heavily when I returned home in 2019, even after just two years away, and still pine for elsewhere, for adventure, for something uncomfortable and new. ‘Fernweh’ they say in German - ‘farsickness’, kind of the opposite of homesickness.
I many times have thought about the people who love travelling longterm, living abroad and moving places, wondering what could be the background/psychological reason for it. I used to be a travel blogger for a decade, going to conferences, meetups, etc all over the place, and after a while, I felt there was something deeper in common, but I couldn’t pinpoint what was it.
Nowadays, after doing inner work, healing and therapy, I think that what many of them/us shared in common was an emotional wound, feeling the not-enoughness and not-belonging, so we went out to search for such feelings. It’s all very interesting! I’m grateful for those years. I still continue to travel and live abroad somehow, split between two places. Going back home was really hard back in November (but also really needed).
I guess we will never stay put, but we also know why home matters in ways we didn’t know before.
Learning to recognise who you are no matter where you are is a huge deal, and I’m clearly on that journey.
Thank you! I'm glad it resonated. And thanks for your comment on bravery. It really takes work, and after many years, I've understood that sharing in this way is somehow a public service for a higher good. So I'm happy to do that, knowing that there's love and respect. Thanks for being here, JFT! 😊
This essay is a nice chronicling of your journey. Makes one curious to read what you've written previously and what it will become after this. To watch the transition.
Oh wow!!! The similarities with my own life, childhood,trauma impact, family dynamics, being in early 40s, and even 6 months of therapy.... This essay made me seen, it made me feel less alone, and it also triggered a small tiny piece of compassion to myself (through showing a huge compassion to you). Thank you!!! This is exactly how I feel after my 6 mo of therapy trying to figure out what to do with my life: "At age 42, I’m learning so much about who I am, probably better than ever. And this is most likely the biggest key unlocking everything for me at this time. I’ve been in this place before but it feels somehow different."
Thank you for being open with all of us. It’s okay to be vulnerable here. You have LOTS of people who are rooting for you! I think many of us are on the same wavelength. As the photo of the quotation says, being sensitive opens you up to feeling things deeply. If you’re willing to share that, you take risks. Many writers here on Substack take risks when they hit “send”, whether it’s self-reflective writing like the piece you wrote here or writing about a controversial issue. We wonder (and worry) how others will react.
You are not alone. Keep doing the deep work. Face the challenge, and hit “send”!
Thank you so much! So wonderful and grateful to have you here, Louise. I agree with what you say. I've definitely been always open to be vulnerable and that comes with its risks, very true. Somehow, it always ends up being rewarding. So that's proof that we must keep showing up. Love it. 🥰
This is such a powerful post, thank you so very much for sharing. To work on ourselves, as you discuss here, is something I only wish more people did and, crucially, had the strength of belief to share what they discover with others, as you do here. It can feel difficult, but I truly believe that the more people talk about these things, the better. I'm working on a piece for Mental Health Awareness Month, and I'm glad I'll be able to share it here.
I'm also really happy that you mentioned gut health too, that's something I find so very fascinating (my wife, Aurélie, developed a major issue with her digestive system when we lived in Chiang Mai, and now has to be very careful with certain sugars. As such, we've read a lot about that gut brain, and it is just so interesting!).
Very much looking forward to the direction your letter travels, thanks again for being so honest and open, it is a breath of fresh air.
Thank you for your words Alexander!! ♥️ I look forward to reading your piece.
And yes, omg, gut health is just a massive and viral topic. I've learn through the years that this hasn't been addressed enough, and the connection with the brain truly makes the gut our second brain, as they say. I will be writing in depth about this. Interestingly, I'm a ug fan of Ayurved (the ancient Indian Medicine) and the more I've studied it, the more I've discovered this connection. As well as with some personal health stuff I went through too.
Interesting about Chiang Mai! I loved that place with all my heart. It's not the first time however that I hear of people having developed certain deep health issues after being there. That'll be interesting to look into.
Well, what can I say...so much to geek out about! 🤓 Thanks again for being here. :)
Oh Devi! So happy to read this and so happy that you're here! Thank you so much, and for sharing too. I hear you completely. I hope this inspires you to enjoy your writing and sharing it when you feel ready. This is healing deep down too. I'm convinced that my journaling habits has also been my co-therapist companion.
Hi Mariana, I'm also glad you hit send because I had no idea how much we have in common. I'm an ER doc. I'm taking a sabbatical (possibly permanently) and I am 100% here for talking about feelings and feelings due to medical practice. I can really relate to feeling like I have to be the good girl (you worrying what people think of you) and the biggest barrier to leaving medical practice is worrying how we will pay the bills. Also, I turn 42 next month :)
Amy wow, had no idea either and this is just amazing. Thanks for sharing (and for taking the time to read!). We're all healing deep stuff for sure. I'm pleased to read about your experience and how much we share, it gives so much hope. 💖
I'm so glad you hit send. Now I'm looking forward to the new posts as you dig in to these issues. I admire your bravery in your vulnerability.
I'm soooo grateful for this, John! Thanks for being here and for sharing the beautiful light that you are. You've definitely helped me in hitting send. :)
Mariana, thank you for showing us courage. Your words pierced my heart (in the best possible way) first because I felt like you snuck into my head to write out my list of core wounds as I nodded along with every one you wrote. Secondly, I just wrote about courage in our everyday life and then I came across your piece which exemplifies what it means to be brave with our life. Turning our lens inward to reckon with what we see rather than distracting ourselves by constantly looking outward - this is a brave act.
Wow Donna thank you so much ♥️ This means a lot, what you just said. The more I share, the more I realise how much we all carry similar emotions one way or another, and how much we deserve to heal from it all. I think we're all connected somehow and it's no coincidence many of us are feeling the need or the call to speak up about these things. I'm so glad. Thanks for taking the time and for being here! ♥️
❤ I agree
Doc! Your healing journey looks very similar to mine from long COVID - resetting the nervous system, taking care of my gut health, using techniques of neuroplasticity to tackle fears and change thought patterns. What’s wonderful is that you are figuring this all out *before* you crash and burn. I admire that tremendously.
I want to also tell you that one of your many strengths is that you make health education very easy to understand and accessible to us non-docs, and that is a rare gift among doctors (so I’ve learned since I’ve been ill - four years now). Your joyful approach has also been quite a gift.
I am glad you are letting us know that you plan to be true to YOU. I’m here for all of it! ☀️
Amy yours words are like a sweet balm to my ears, thank you so much!
Self belief is everything, isn't it? Without it, life turns out soooo different. And eventually what we deserve is to enjoy it all while knowing who we truly are. It's a lifetime work too, but definitely worth it. On it!
I'm amazed about the whole nervous system regulation. Learning the anatomy and physiology of it all like I did is one thing, but the emotional connection is a whole different one!
Thanks again for what you said. It's super encouraging and I'm grateful! Onwards. 💃🏻
Oh Mariana,
Your list of awarenesses - catastrophizing, scarcity, fear, feeling like not enough- I related to every one of those things. So much love 🖤🖤🖤
How powerful, Noha, isn't it? No matter our upbringings,we all have some level of all this human behavioural issues and yet, they teach us so little about it all. It's our turn to look inward and bring all that stuff out for healing and transmutation. What a powerful thing. Imagine joining forces to being this all to the forefront!
Ahhh I always look forward to getting your emails. Always hit send! Whatever you are excited to write about, I want to read it. Thank you for sharing your thougths and struggles ❤️
Thank you, Chris! You rock 🥰🌷
I quote Tolkien a lot and I’m going to again here:
“How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on when, in your heart, you begin to understand there is no going back?”
I felt this heavily when I returned home in 2019, even after just two years away, and still pine for elsewhere, for adventure, for something uncomfortable and new. ‘Fernweh’ they say in German - ‘farsickness’, kind of the opposite of homesickness.
I’d like to add - beautiful post.
Thank you!!! :)
Farsickness…wow!
I many times have thought about the people who love travelling longterm, living abroad and moving places, wondering what could be the background/psychological reason for it. I used to be a travel blogger for a decade, going to conferences, meetups, etc all over the place, and after a while, I felt there was something deeper in common, but I couldn’t pinpoint what was it.
Nowadays, after doing inner work, healing and therapy, I think that what many of them/us shared in common was an emotional wound, feeling the not-enoughness and not-belonging, so we went out to search for such feelings. It’s all very interesting! I’m grateful for those years. I still continue to travel and live abroad somehow, split between two places. Going back home was really hard back in November (but also really needed).
I guess we will never stay put, but we also know why home matters in ways we didn’t know before.
Learning to recognise who you are no matter where you are is a huge deal, and I’m clearly on that journey.
Life is a journey of many journeys!
This was fascinating and enjoyable to read. Really brave to share so personally and to strive for more connection. Hope all is going well for you.
Thank you! I'm glad it resonated. And thanks for your comment on bravery. It really takes work, and after many years, I've understood that sharing in this way is somehow a public service for a higher good. So I'm happy to do that, knowing that there's love and respect. Thanks for being here, JFT! 😊
This essay is a nice chronicling of your journey. Makes one curious to read what you've written previously and what it will become after this. To watch the transition.
Thank you, Susanna! That's meaningful. I'm happy you landed here. 😊
Oh wow!!! The similarities with my own life, childhood,trauma impact, family dynamics, being in early 40s, and even 6 months of therapy.... This essay made me seen, it made me feel less alone, and it also triggered a small tiny piece of compassion to myself (through showing a huge compassion to you). Thank you!!! This is exactly how I feel after my 6 mo of therapy trying to figure out what to do with my life: "At age 42, I’m learning so much about who I am, probably better than ever. And this is most likely the biggest key unlocking everything for me at this time. I’ve been in this place before but it feels somehow different."
Love it! I'm glad these words made you feel things. My mission is accomplished. 🥰 Happy you landed here! Welcome to the feel good tribe. 😉
Dr. Mariana,
Thank you for being open with all of us. It’s okay to be vulnerable here. You have LOTS of people who are rooting for you! I think many of us are on the same wavelength. As the photo of the quotation says, being sensitive opens you up to feeling things deeply. If you’re willing to share that, you take risks. Many writers here on Substack take risks when they hit “send”, whether it’s self-reflective writing like the piece you wrote here or writing about a controversial issue. We wonder (and worry) how others will react.
You are not alone. Keep doing the deep work. Face the challenge, and hit “send”!
Thank you so much! So wonderful and grateful to have you here, Louise. I agree with what you say. I've definitely been always open to be vulnerable and that comes with its risks, very true. Somehow, it always ends up being rewarding. So that's proof that we must keep showing up. Love it. 🥰
This is such a powerful post, thank you so very much for sharing. To work on ourselves, as you discuss here, is something I only wish more people did and, crucially, had the strength of belief to share what they discover with others, as you do here. It can feel difficult, but I truly believe that the more people talk about these things, the better. I'm working on a piece for Mental Health Awareness Month, and I'm glad I'll be able to share it here.
I'm also really happy that you mentioned gut health too, that's something I find so very fascinating (my wife, Aurélie, developed a major issue with her digestive system when we lived in Chiang Mai, and now has to be very careful with certain sugars. As such, we've read a lot about that gut brain, and it is just so interesting!).
Very much looking forward to the direction your letter travels, thanks again for being so honest and open, it is a breath of fresh air.
Thank you for your words Alexander!! ♥️ I look forward to reading your piece.
And yes, omg, gut health is just a massive and viral topic. I've learn through the years that this hasn't been addressed enough, and the connection with the brain truly makes the gut our second brain, as they say. I will be writing in depth about this. Interestingly, I'm a ug fan of Ayurved (the ancient Indian Medicine) and the more I've studied it, the more I've discovered this connection. As well as with some personal health stuff I went through too.
Interesting about Chiang Mai! I loved that place with all my heart. It's not the first time however that I hear of people having developed certain deep health issues after being there. That'll be interesting to look into.
Well, what can I say...so much to geek out about! 🤓 Thanks again for being here. :)
Oh Devi! So happy to read this and so happy that you're here! Thank you so much, and for sharing too. I hear you completely. I hope this inspires you to enjoy your writing and sharing it when you feel ready. This is healing deep down too. I'm convinced that my journaling habits has also been my co-therapist companion.
Welcome to the feel good life! 🥰